The church is near, but the road is icy. The bar is far, but we will walk carefully. ~ Russian Proverb.

 

24 hours in a day... 24 beers in a case... coincidence? ~ Stephen Wright.
 

And you, madam, are ugly. But I shall be sober in the morning. ~ Winston Churchill
 

Milk is for babies. When you grow up you have to drink beer. ~ Arnold Schwarzenegger
 

Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose... it's how drunk you get. ~ Homer Simpson
 

I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer. ~ Homer Simpson 
 

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools. ~ Ernest Hemingway

 

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. ~ Eric Slivinski, Owner of Tropical Sno

 

I always said if I came into a little money, I'd spread it around the community.  You know, give a little charity.  Of course, I only said that.  I'll probably spend it on hookers and booze! ~ Al Bundy

 

The secret of drunkenness is that it insulates us in thought, whilst it unites us in feeling. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

The mouth of a perfectly happy man is filled with beer. ~ Egyptian Proverb

 

I think this would be a good time for a beer. ~ Franklin D. Roosevelt on December 6, 1933 (when prohibition was repealed)

 

Many battles have been fought and won by soldiers nourished on beer. ~ Frederick The Great

 

Beer.  A high and mighty liquor. ~ Julious Caesar

 

A meal of bread, cheese and beer constitutes the perfect food. ~ Queen Elizabeth I

 

He that drinketh strong beer and goes to bed right mellow, lives as he ought to live and dies a hearty fellow. ~ Anonymous

 

It's a fair wind that blew men to ale. ~ Washington Irving

 

Tis hard to tell which is best: music, food, beer or rest. ~ Anonymous

 

Come, gentlemen, I hope we shall drink down all unkindness. ~ William Shakespeare

 

The culture of the hop; so analogous to the culture and uses of the grape, may afford a theme for future poets. ~ Henry David Thoreau

 

The good Lord has changed water into wine, so how can drinking be a sin. ~ sign near a Belgian Monestary

 

God bless the woman who gave birth to the brewer. ~ Bohemian Proverb

 

God made yeast, as well as dough, and loves fermentation just as dearly as He loves vegetation. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

There can't be good living where there is not good drinking. ~ Benjamin Franklin

 

Here's to the heart that fills as the bottle empties. ~ Anonymous

 

Beauty lies in the hand of the beer holder. ~ Anonymous

 

A fine beer may be judged with only one sip, but it's better to be thoroughly sure. ~ Bohemian Proverb

 

Beer is an improvement on water itself. ~ Grant Johnson

 

It takes beer to make thirst worthwhile. ~ German Saying

 

A quart of ale is a dish fit for a king.  ~ William Shakespeare

 

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.  ~W.C. Fields

 

When the wine is in, the wit is out.  ~Proverb

 

Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed.  Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams.  If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered.  Then I say to myself, it is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.  ~Jack Handey

 

I envy people who drink - at least they know what to blame everything on.  ~Oscar Levant

 

I feel sorry for people who don't drink.  When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.  ~Frank Sinatra

 

We borrowed golf from Scotland as we borrowed whiskey.  Not because it is Scottish, but because it is good.  ~Horace Hutchinson

 

They speak of my drinking, but never think of my thirst.  ~Scottish Proverb

 

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.  ~Henny Youngman

 

Why don't you slip out of those wet clothes and into a dry Martini?  ~Robert Benchley

 

Drunkenness is nothing but voluntary madness.  ~Seneca

 

Beer is the cause and solution to all of life's problems.  ~Homer Simpson

 

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses.  Drinks right out of the bottle.  ~Henny Youngman

 

I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.  ~Winston Churchill

 

Candy is dandy... But liquor is quicker. ~Ogden Nash

 

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. ~Hunter S. Thompson

 

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me. ~Hunter S. Thompson

 

To alcohol, the nights that you'll never remember, with the friends you'll never forget. ~Anon

 

If you drink, don't drive.  Don't even putt.  ~Dean Martin

 

Never cry over spilt milk.  It could've been whiskey.  ~"Pappy" Maverick

 

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.  ~Benjamin Franklin

 

One martini is all right.  Two are too many, and three are not enough.  ~James Thurber

 

If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health, slow your mind, make you fat - in other words, turn you into an adult.  ~P.J. O'Rourke

 

Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.  ~Phyllis Diller

 

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk.  That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.  ~ Ernest Hemingway

 

Stay busy, get plenty of exercise, and don't drink too much.  Then again, don't drink too little.  ~ Herman "Jackrabbit" Smith-Johannsen

 

Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose... it's how drunk you get. ~ Homer Simpson

 

Prohibition? HA! They tried that in the movies and it didn't work. ~ Homer Simpson

 

The secret of drunkenness is, that it insulates us in thought, whilst it unites us in feeling. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson 

 

I drink to make other people interesting. ~ George Jean Nathan 

 

Darwin Theory of Bozing: Drinking kills off the weak brain cells, leaving the strongest of brain cells to do all the thinking. ~ Hilary Norman "Norm" Peterson, from Cheers

All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer. ~ Homer Simpson

 

If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs. ~ David Daye

Son, a good beer is like a good woman. It looks nice. It smells nice and you would step over your own mother to get one. ~ Homer Simpson

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer. ~ Frank Zappa

The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind. ~ Humphrey Bogart

Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine. ~ David Moulton

People who drink light "beer" don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee allot. ~ Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI

Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world. ~ Kaiser Wilhelm

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. ~ Dave Barry

 

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. ~ Dean Martin

 

Peter (after coming home drunk): Oh, Lois thank God it's you! The last few houses I went to were very rude. ~ Family Guy

 

Lois: You're drunk again.
Peter: No, I'm just exhausted 'cause I've been up all night drinking. ~ Family Guy

 

Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time. ~ Catherine Zandonella

 

I spent most of my money on booze, fast cars and fast women... I squandered the rest. ~ George Best

 

If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose. ~ Jack Handy

 

Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son. ~ Dean Vernon Wormer

 

He was a wise man who invented beer. ~ Plato

 

They who drink beer will think beer. ~ Washington Irving

 

Everybody has to believe in something... I believe I'll have another drink. ~ W.C. Fields

 

When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk, and go to heaven! ~ Irish Proverb

 

Pubs - the busy man's recreation, the idle man's business, the melancholy man's sanctuary and the stranger's welcome. ~ John Earl

 

Not drunk is he who from the floor
Can rise alone and still drink more;
But drunk is he who prostrate lies
Without the power to move or rise. ~ Thomas Peacock

Let schoolmasters puzzle their brain,
With grammar, and nonsense, and learning;
Good liquor, I stoutly maintain,
Gives genius better discerning. ~ Oliver Goldsmith

Too much work, and no vacation,
Deserves at least a small libation.
So hail! my friends, and raise your glasses;
Work's the curse of the drinking classes. ~ Oscar Wilde

To some, it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can! ~ Dave Howell

 

Travel to Thailand with friends.  Take some photos.  They have fun concerts, festivals and parties.  You have naked men and women showering and what not in the red light district.  There are sexy drunk college girls kissing - making out or passed out on the islands.  Crazy taxi drivers.  On the other hand, see the same thing but be safer at a U.S. college. ~ Mickey Etherton

 

Famous Arizonans: Alice Cooper, Jenna Jameson, Arizona Diamondbacks, Arizona Cardinals, Phoenix Suns, Phoenix Coyotes, Phoenix Mercury, ASU Athletes, Frank Lloyd Wright.  success takes blood, sweat and tears... mostly sweat. ~ Anonymous

Without question, the greatest invention in the
history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the
wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does
not go nearly as well with pizza. ~ Dave Barry

 

Making your way in the world today takes everything you got.
Taking a break from all your worries sure would help a lot.
Wouldn't you like to get away?
Sometimes you wanna go where everybody knows your name,
And they're always glad you came.
You wanna be where you can see our troubles are all the same.
You wanna be where everybody knows your name.
You wanna go where people know people are all the same.
You wanna go where everybody knows your name.
~ Theme song from Cheers